Is It My Fault That My Daughter Has Turned To Drugs?
Dear Coral,
Your fault?
About the only truth here is that it is 100% YOUR fault, and also 100% HER fault.
The concept of two persons each being 100% responsible for something sounds strange, but that is the truth.
From this viewpoint, EACH of the persons can/could do something about the situation.
In other words, your daughter has a basic desire to survive. Survival is best done when a person is following common sense moral codes -- you'll soon be getting your two copies of the Book I offer.
But, you also have a basic desire and need to survive and PART of your survival is that your daughter, family, friends, etc., also survive. So, her "downfall" does affect your survival. That effect is different on you than it is on her, but there is harm to your survival and to hers (and to mine!).
Fault is not the word I would use or suggest.
Rather you should say/ask: "Am I responsible for her behavior?" Of course the answer is yes.
She should say/ask: "Am I responsible for my behavior?" Of course the answer is yes.
What YOU should DO, or what SHE should DO are different matters. "Doing something" about any moral failure by another is very much a matter of "communication." The question would be, "How good is the communication between me and that person (daughter)?"
For her the question would be: "How does this behavior of mine affect my survival and how important is "survival" to me?"
These are not simple questions, and call for lots of work to bring about the change in behavior that you think is needed.
The above may not seem very useful to you? But it should lay the ground work for more advice I can give.
I invite you to write back, discussing the matters above.
I do not need specifics on her behavior -- it is not my judgment of her that counts, nor would I ever become a source of an "opinion" you would try to give her about some "moral authority figure."
This matter is and will be between you and your daughter. When and if she ever wants to write me, that's fine, but for now I have only one person asking for my advice -- you.
So, let's proceed if you wish -- just give me more data on the level of "honesty and communication" between you and your daughter.
It would not be unusual, if she has behavior that you think is wrong that SHE has/had some type of break in her communications with you -- that would have preceded her moral lapse.
Finally, the quick advice would be, as a child grows older even though both of you are still 100% "responsible" it is harder and harder to use any parental control -- but at 15 it is not too late to impose some rules on behavior.
Let me hear from you and I'll write again.
Cordially,
Karl Loren
-----Original Message-----
Sent: Wednesday, April 20, 2005 8:13 PM
To: kimberly@oralchelation.com; lct@oralchelation.com
Subject: Message to Karl from Happiness Online
Below is the result of a Message to Karl from Happiness Online form:
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name:
email: mushroompinkrose@hotmail.com.au
The original message was received at Thu, 21 Apr 2005 04:55:33 -0400 from mxip17a.cluster1.charter.net [209.225.28.147]
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date: Wednesday, April 20th, 2005 at 21:12:51
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FirstName: Coral
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Dear Karl,<BR>The morality of tees today is of great concern to me. I am a divorced mother raising my daughter on my own. She is now 15 years and I am very scared for her and at my wits end! She has been exposed to drugs sex and alcohol and I don't know what to do! My perfect child of 15 years has finally fallen! Is it my fault?<BR> Thanks,<BR> Coral
P.S. I think your website is great!