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Sex and sexual activity are probably the hottest "buttons" in our society currently. This page on this web site consistently gets more visitors than most other pages. For the week ending April 8, 2005, there were more than an average of 1,000 visitors per day. THIS page is one of the most popular.
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Are you adversely affected by the sexual behavior of others? You may ignore these links, or choose one. |
Yes | No | I Don't Know |
If you look at an analysis of the words most often entered into a search engine on the internet, out of more than 350,000,000 words and phrases entered every two months, the number one word, consistently for many years has been "SEX!"
Do you want to make money, and don't care how you do it?
Operators say adult sites that get 10,000 hits per day usually gross about $3,000 per month. Midsize sites attracting 50,000 hits daily bring in roughly $20,000 in revenue monthly. Large sites, with multimillion daily hits, can bring in more than $1 million per month. [Source]
It
is often hidden, but interest in this subject is enormous -- however you
state the concept, the concept of "SEX" is involved with a great deal of what
seems to motivate mankind.
A recent editorial in The Wall Street Journal describes a serious study of "Hooking Up, Hanging Out, and Looking for Mr. Right!" It is a straightforward look at current sexual behavior of young women in college -- click here to read. Here is a quote:
The bad news is that the overall context in which young women attend college today is thoroughly unsuitable for meeting these goals [finding "Mr. Right"]. Instead, the report found two extremes of "romantic" entanglement prevalent on campus. One extreme is "hooking up," aka "friends with benefits," and involves casual sex with no commitment. Although a minority of students engage in it -- the study found 40% of women had "hooked up" -- the practice has a huge impact on campus culture. Women don't like it, but they go along with it, believing they have little choice. The other extreme is "joined-at-the-hip" relationships, in which a young couple, usually without knowing each other very well, plunge into a sexual relationship and spend virtually all of their time together -- sleeping together, studying together, doing the laundry together.
The full report on this study is here.
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Are you adversely affected by the sexual behavior of others? You may ignore these links, or choose one. |
Yes | No | I Don't Know |
The
old fashioned practice of "dating" is almost completely unknown amongst young
people today. When the word
"dating" is used, it has a very different meaning that it did 50 years ago, or
even 30 years ago!
Ask your granddaughter how many times a boy has given her flowers? Ask your son if he has ever given a girl some flowers? It is a simple question -- you might get a surprising answer!
There are more explicit descriptions of these "dating games" as in one of the issues of the University Newspaper -- The Breeze, at James Madison University (JMU). The games have several "events." Here are the first two:
Event #1: Harmless flirting. Boy and girl have mutual attraction and talk at a party. Maybe they have a class together. Maybe boy has seen girl checking her e-mail at Taylor Down Under or recognizes her from the post office. Boy casually asks if girl is seeing anyone -- testing the waters for a boyfriend. No boyfriend? Green light! (Not that the chances were great girl would have a boyfriend because according to JMU students, you just don't see that much around here.) girl obliges, gets all cutesy, maybe her voice even gets a little higher as boy's voice gets lower.
Event #2: Physical contact. We've established harmless flirting and have both scored points if we've done it right. So now it's on to contact. At a party, guy asks girl if she wants another beer (event #3) while putting hand on girl's shoulder, or maybe brushing girl's cheek. Girl obliges, and touches guy's arm with the yes answer.
If you look on the web for "faithful to your sexual partner," you get some amazing web sites -- it's worth an evening of browsing. Click here to read the confused story of one young lady -- Jessica.
Now, five years out of college, Alison's pace of escort switching had slowed, but the pattern remained the same.
I'd approached dating differently. I'd always hung out in groups, and within the social groups, couples would sort of spontaneously appear. You knew each other first socially, then became friends, and then, whoops, you were a pair.
Some friend and I would "get together" and then try to pretend nothing unusual was going on, which was ridiculous since everyone knew before anything actually happened. Letting everyone know made it seem serious.
College girls seem eager to write about sex -- and publish it. Here is one freshman's thoughts:
The "sexual revolution" in the 1960s led to casual sex, pregnant teens, unwed mothers and fathers of all ages, singles bars, one-night stands, teen sex, group sex, swingers, divorces, open marriages, cohabitation, incest, pornography, sexual abuse, rape, AIDS, abortions, STDS, and alternate sexual preferences. Traditional sexual morality was breaking down. Olen, & Barry (1996). Gay people were starting to come out of their closets. They were interested in casual sex, and some of them wanted as many sex partners as they could get. A number of the men were promiscuous, and they went from one lover to another without using protection. AIDS came along and killed off a lot of gay people, and no one is safe from its effects. Now if people do not use protection they could die. It really is a matter of life or death. Hippies and flower children were doing their own thing. They were into drugs and casual sex. The music of the time was telling kids that sex was great and go out and do it. It never told them that they might die from doing it. [Source]
What are the rules? Rules for "dating?" Try here for the "Nine Rules Of Dating." Here are three of them.
On the whole, men seem to be more confused than women when it comes to dating. However, the essence of these rules is assumed to be the same for everyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.
Rule One: Sexual intercourse changes every rule. Nudity of one party or both parties can in some cases modify the rules.
Rule Two: Every rule has an exception or two or three.
Rule Three: The ambulance-chaser rule. There is an appropriate waiting period after someone breaks up before you can ask them out. I am unsure as to exactly what this waiting period is, but I know it is longer than five minutes and shorter than a month.
We can't possibly have actual "rules" passed as laws, can we?
As recently as the early 1960s, all 50 states had some sort of criminal law that outlawed consensual sodomy. Today, fewer than half the states do. Click here to read about sodomy.
There are laws, of course against statutory rape -- and they are being enforced, more and more. Click here for the source of the following quote.
Increasingly, states are enforcing statutory rape laws that prohibit sex between adults and minors and even increasing penalties for a crime that has been ignored as society grew more permissive.
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Are you adversely affected by the sexual behavior of others? You may ignore these links, or choose one. |
Yes | No | I Don't Know |
It is impossible to talk of sexual morals without also bringing up AIDS.
The statistics indicate what few officials are willing to admit: that this region faces a crisis of shattered mores, where sexuality is no longer guided by traditional norms. In an environment where old rules have clashed with, or been eclipsed by, rapid social change, African men are killing themselves - and their women and children - with sex. (source)
For their part, religious leaders throughout sub-Saharan Africa have been mostly silent about the epidemic, despite the obvious role they could play in addressing behavior, counseling, and caring for orphans. Bishop Sikongo in Rundu says part of the reason is condoms. The Roman Catholic Church, for example, won't advocate condoms because they interfere with conception, and because such a stance might appear to be condoning types of sexual behavior that do not conform with church doctrine. Not knowing how else to respond, Sikongo said, his brethren have done nothing. (source)
If religious leaders will not preach morality, who will! Churches have failed in this responsibility all over the planet -- it is time for individuals to realize that their own survival is adversely affected when OTHERS around them violate the moral code. They often preach that marriage will solve the problem. It does not.
Many turn away from a religious moral
code -- saying that it is too dogmatic, or whatever other
complaint they have. While these complaints are not
very helpful, there is a common sense moral code, free of
religious dogma. That code is available to anyone
who asks. Karl Loren, author of this web site,
stands ready to make a gift of two copies of this book --
just click here to send
your request.
Just about everyone who is sensible realizes that being faithful to a sexual partner who is, in turn faithful to you? That is the moral guide:
Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD's) are infections which can be passed from person to person through sexual contact. They are caused by bacteria, viruses and other microscopic organisms which are present in the blood, semen, body fluids or the pubic area of an infected person. Most STD's once diagnosed, can be cured with treatment. Viral STD's, like genital herpes and AIDS, are more difficult to treat and are often incurable. You do not need to feel guilty, ashamed or embarrassed if you think you have an STD. But if you do have these feelings, do not let them prevent you from getting treatment. STD's do not go away by themselves, and in many cases relatively quick, painless treatments are available. It is important to get treatment as early as possible, as STD's can cause serious and permanent damage. (source)
It is NOT marriage that makes SEX moral, but faithfulness. Many moral codes demand marriage before sex. That just doesn't fit with much of modern society -- so if you look at it, it is the actual faithfulness that is more important than the symbol of relationship.
The number of unmarried couples living together increased 72% between 1990 and 2000.
- U.S. Census Bureau, 2000The number of unmarried couples living together has increased tenfold between 1960 and 2000.
- U.S. Census Bureau, 2000. (source)
Marriage is too often an empty symbol while faithfulness can be measured with great ease in the physical universe. (It is not always "caught" but it is, even so, a physical universe event that is not subject to maybe.)
Marriage is a mental and spiritual symbol. Faithfulness is a physical fact. The moral code promoted on these pages is based on physical universe activity, not on religious or arbitrary rules. The man or woman who is sexually faithful will live longer -- will survive better. That is the underlying fundamental principle of this moral code -- maximize survival, to be measure in physical universe terms.
Strangely
enough, mental and spiritual happiness will come along too, when a couple is
sexually faithful.
Jealousy is the killer of hope and happiness -- not faithful sex.
This book on a common sense moral code does not demand that you have sex outside of marriage. You are perfectly free to add "marriage" to YOUR moral code for sex. This code, however, suggests that you can be happy and healthy while OTHERS around you are having faithful sex, while not married even if you think, personally, they should be married. What set of married parents has not wondered about their girl, or their boy, away at college for the first time, perhaps, having sex? Yes? No? What can we do about our girl? Our boy? Is he being promiscuous? Then we can be very demanding that he improve his morality. Is he being faithful to one partner? I suggest that is OK.
Do you just want plain "sex" -- and looking for it on the web? Click here to see one of the non-pornographic web sites where, maybe, you can find what you want??
Actual pornographic web sites are so numerous that it seems there must be a huge market "out there" for "people" wanting that stuff. There is a "word frequency database" that collects every word or phrase entered into any of the 15+ major search engines -- just collects those words and phrases so as to be able to count how popular various words and phrases is.
"SEX" has always been the most commonly entered word in a search engine. Click here to look at that data.
Pornography
is extremely profitable on the web.
Click here to see just how profitable it is, and how
many single stay-at-home women have a thriving web-based
porn business. The well-known "Napster" that was,
for a while, allowing people to download copyrighted
music, in violation of those copyrights, went bankrupt
when the Court said they were breaking the law.
However, there were SO many people willing to steal music
that their name became very famous. Now that
Napster is bankrupt, their web site gone, their name is
still very valuable. In fact, one porn web group
has offered to pay $2.4 million dollars JUST FOR THE
NAME. Click here for that
story.
Sex on the web is very, very big business. You won't find many who admit they spend money on these sites, but the sites sure haul in the money -- many millions. Would you say that the morals of those who frequent these porn web sites is "high" or "low?"
You are probably familiar with "bachelor parties" where, on the night before the wedding the groom-to-be has his last chance at a fling? Well, we now have bachelorette parties:
It featured a popular fixture of modern bachelorette parties: a racy scavenger hunt. First the bride had to ask half a dozen men for condoms they might have in their wallets. She came up empty-handed. But she had more success getting the next item on her list: a pair of men's underwear. The gentleman she chose simply removed his trousers and his undershorts in the middle of the bar, according to Ms. Hartman, who took possession of the shorts. "I carried them around in my back pocket for the rest of the night as incentive to get other guys to do things on our list," she says. (source)
How about the bible for a steady hand? Certainly the moral code from the bible has been a steady guide for thousands of years. How well is it followed today? Click here for a reminder of the Ten Commandments.
Do you think, perhaps, that the New Testament gives us any better guidance? How do dedicated Christians deal with what Jesus said? Click here for the following quote, and further references.
However, Jesus goes beyond the letter to the spirit of the law: "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (5:28). Is that really what the Law had in mind, you wonder? Yes, indeed. The Tenth Commandment is pretty specific: [source]
What are some other sources for help on the puzzling subject?
Television perhaps? Studies of student behavior show us that for many grade levels the child spends far more time in front of TV every week than he spends in school! That is an amazing change in the last 50 years. But, it the "TV Baby-Watching" helping kids learn moral values? You know that is a sad joke, of course.
If sex seems more prevalent on TV today than just a couple of years ago, that's because it is, according to a new study [February 2001].
Certainly parents have supposedly been the source of moral
teachings to their children. How do you think parents are living up to
that responsibility? Can you recall how YOU learned about sex. The
puzzle in the minds of parents today is astronomical. Here is a a series
quiz question. Click here for more of them.
4.In your mind, is clothing
connected to sexual messages?
Not necessarily -- girls don't
always mean what others conclude from tight tops and short skirts
Most definitely -- girls who bare
their navels and wear skin-tight clothes are trying to let boys know they are
available
No -- fashion is sexier than it
used to be, but that's a sign of the times
One of the real problems with the above quiz is that society, today, is quite willing to take the attitude that there is too much confusion on the question of sex, and therefore there just can't be any single precept of proper moral behavior -- it is just too complicated.
Government agencies get into the act -- trying to push sexual standards, often based not on what is right or wrong, but on scare tactics. They tell you that you will catch AIDS unless you follow their rules:
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A |
ABSTAIN from sex for as long as possible |
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B |
BE FAITHFUL to your sexual partner. |
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C |
CONDOMISE. If you cannot abstain or be faithful, use a condom every time [Source] |
One of the constant problems of so-called moral codes is that they include parts that just won't catch on. Perhaps 100 years ago it would have been practical to say that the moral code, then, included "no sex before marriage." I don't think such a code will go far today. The next step, above, is obviously one that agrees with this web site. The trouble with a "mixed code" like the above is that the second "rule" is likely to be ignored because it is associated with the first rule. The first rule is just too restrictive to serve any useful purpose for all of the broad society. It may well be the right code for a family or some particular group, but it will not do for the basic common sense moral code that is badly needed.
A moral code that is too restrictive or too lenient -- either way -- won't be used as a basic common sense moral code.
It appears that many hours of careful research, or casual browsing on the web will consistently lead to one conclusion. This subject of "sex" is not well handled in our society. There is probably more confusion on this one subject in society than any other! If there could just be a simple rule that would undercut all others? What common sense moral code would apply here? What "rule" could apply to anyone and everyone?
Here is one positive viewpoint on sex and marriage.
If you enter the phrase, "be faithful to your sexual partner" in www.google.com, you would get exactly the top ten web sites shown by clicking here (on August 3, 2001).
That same page is on THIS web site -- click here.
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Are you adversely affected by the sexual behavior of others? You may ignore these links, or choose one. |
Yes | No | I Don't Know |
Click Here To Continue With The Page On Drugs
This is the Karl Loren Happiness On Line Web Site Karl Promises To Answer Any Personal Message, Personally.
