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A Positive Place by Chuck Gallozzi
Chuck can be contacted at
gallozzi@interlog.com
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"Children today are tyrants. They
contradict their parents, gobble their food, and
tyrannize their teachers." Sound familiar? Who do you
suppose said that? It was Socrates! He said that more
than 2,400 years ago. So the world hasn't changed much,
has it? It seems middle-aged people feel threatened by
youngsters. They don't like their rude behavior and the
way they dress. What has changed, however, is not the
behavior of children, but our own memory.
Just in case you forgot, here's Viola Spolin to refresh
your memory: "We forget what it's like to be a child.
There are few places outside his own play where a child
can contribute to the world in which he finds himself.
His world: dominated by adults who tell him what to do
and when to do it - benevolent tyrants who dispense
gifts to their "good" subjects and punishment to their
"bad" ones, who are amused at the "cleverness" of
children and annoyed by their "stupidities."
True, there is youth crime and violence, but isn't this
a case of children doing to society what was done to
them? Where do you suppose most abandoned children
live? At home! Though they live at home, many children
are ignored by their parents. Perhaps kids run away
from home because they're looking for their parents.
When children are deprived of love, why are we
surprised that they turn out bad? There's something
wrong when the TV set is better adjusted than our kids,
but whose fault is that? The truth is children are a
godsend. We can learn from them. That's why Christ
said, "Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become
like children, you will never enter the kingdom of
heaven." (Matthew 18:3).
What we learn from children
Children are pure. They are innocent. See how they play
with their neighbors. Race, ethnicity, religion, gender
are foreign to them. Everyone is valued as a friend and
all are treated equally (until adults interfere and
teach them prejudice).
Children are honest. They speak from their hearts.
Adults wear masks, hiding their thoughts. They are
afraid to speak the truth, afraid to expose their true
selves. Not so for children, for they have courage.
John Bradshaw explains, "Children are curious and are
risk takers. They have lots of courage. They venture
out into a world that is immense and dangerous. A child
initially trusts life and the processes of life."
Children can make us more spiritual. They are bubbling
over with happiness and unconditional love. To become
like children is to love the world unconditionally. We
create children, but they create spiritual beings by
teaching us the power of love. Also, learn from
children the joy of simple pleasures. To a
three-year-old child, a green caterpillar can be more
exciting than a $300 seesaw.
Your primary responsibility to your children is to
guard their happiness and return their love. They don't
need your presents; they need your presence. Mark Twain
explains: "We are always too busy for our children; we
never give them the time or interest they deserve. We
lavish gifts upon them; but the most precious gift -our
personal association, which means so much to them - we
give grudgingly."
Read how Midge Decter apologizes to children on our
behalf: "It might sound a paradoxical thing to say -
for surely never has a generation of children occupied
more sheer hours of parental time --but the truth is
that we neglected you. We allowed you a charade of
trivial freedoms in order to avoid making those
impositions on you that are in the end both the
training ground and proving ground for true
independence. We pronounced you strong when you were
still weak in order to avoid the struggles with you
that would have fed your true strength. We proclaimed
you sound when you were foolish in order to avoid
taking part in the long, slow, slogging effort that is
the only route to genuine maturity of mind and feeling.
Thus, it was no small anomaly of your growing up that
while you were the most indulged generation, you were
also in many ways the most abandoned to your own meager
devices by those into whose safe-keeping you had been
given."
How can children learn how to live right if they've
never seen it done? They need models, not critics. They
will follow our example, not our advice. So, how shall
we teach them? By example!
Parents are often heard to say, "Pay attention when I
speak." But why don't we pay attention when they speak?
The smallest event in your child's life is an event in
their world. It is, therefore, a world event. To your
child it is significant; pay attention to it.
Your children are in critical need of nurturing. They
need your encouragement, praise, and support. They need
a willing ear to hear their concerns and a tight hug
that expresses your unconditional acceptance and total
commitment. Don't worry about what they will be
tomorrow, but focus on what they are today. The best
way to bring up children is never to let them down.
Here's another tip that comes from Lady Bird Johnson,
"Believe in them; children are apt to live up to what
you believe of them."
We also need to teach our children responsibility. As
Ann Landers wrote, "What the vast majority of American
children needs is to stop being pampered, stop being
indulged, stop being chauffeured, stop being catered
to. In the final analysis it is not what you do for
your children but what you have taught them to do for
themselves that will make them successful human
beings."
When you were a youngster, your mom quickly mended your
torn jacket. But when the harsh words of your parents
bruised your heart, how many years did it take for your
heart to heal? Perhaps it still hurts. Your parents
meant well. They didn't know better, so forgive them.
But learn from their mistakes and avoid bruising the
hearts of your children.
This is the Karl Loren Happiness On Line Web Site Karl Promises To Answer Any Personal Message, Personally.