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Summary Of Other Messages

Message From Mark

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From: Mark
Sent: Tuesday, November 21, 2006 10:01 PM
To: karl
Subject: Moral's - Wrong Relationships

Dear Karl,

I found your article to be groundbreaking in it's scope. I feel that the as the fabric of our society deviates from it's moral and ethical background the human body begins to respond in negative ways. The manifestation of what we see and hear on a daily basis which is contrary to our cores much surely alter our cells from the inside out.

I for one was always extremely healthy. That is until I learned that my father was cheating on my mother with women of another race who could barely communicate in English. I found this profoundly wrong as the basis of this deviation from marriage was not as much a marital issue as it was a desire of a sexual nature. My parents went through a long and lengthy divorce all the while well my father dated various women all of the same device. I left college to work for my father in our family business and it was in my time spent there that I learned of the infidelity.

I contained what I knew for nearly 4 or 5 months until one day I had my first anxiety or panic attack. I thought I was having a heart attack and I immediately called my mom and told her the news. What ensued was very ugly and took nearly 8 years until everything was finalized. My father however still participates in this devious behavior and even had a girlfriend of his working with us in the family business until I put my foot down and said it's her or me.

So, in all I think that your article is extremely impressive and presses on what real psychiatry should focus it's energy on. I would welcome any recommendation for how to deal with my aforementioned issues. I have attempted on many occasions to speak to or write touching letters to my father noting my lack of understanding for his actions but he has yet to respond in a positive manner. \

Looking forward to your reply..........

MarK

Dear Mark

The remedy is easy to describe == not always easy to implement.

When someone close to you is violating your moral code -- you get sick!  Yes.

To handle?

Two choices:

1. Handle the person so he makes some change toward your moral code.

or

2. Disconnect.

If you are still financially dependent on your father it would be very hard to either impose your changes on him or disconnect.

So, the first thing, if you are still working there, is that you should find another job.

Unless, you can, without great effort, to convince your father to change.

If he won't change -- and you cannot force him -- then there are various gradients of "disconnection" such as quitting the job, refusing to go to his home, refusing to communicate at all -- all sorts of gradients in amongst these choices.

The biggest obstacle to handling is usually that the person is financially dependent on the other who is behaving badly.

So, freedom from dependency is an important part of getting yourself healed of this problem.

Write again, as you wish, with more details or questions -- or see how you can institute some of these advices.

Karl Loren